If I were the rain
by HK-Revan
Summary: This is the story of a girl, who shined like the sun in the absolute darkness of the world. Even the moon pales in comparison, being only able to reflect her brilliance. Ulquihime.
1. Holiday

A/N: This is the story of a girl who became an arrancar. And the lives of all who were changed along the way.

Let's start with fluff.

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Finding her was hard.

Ulquiorra trekked through the desert having already covered over a few hundred kilometers of sand. The artificial sun was sinking lower in the sky, signifying that it was getting late and he was running out of time.

He quickened his pace.

Searching through the countless hollow villages he came across mild mannered hollows who do not wish to fight. They were of no consequence and in a way a bit of an annoyance. He did however find a sash that smelled like her.

It was his fault. She was still young, still learning about the world and still so innocent. Most of the Espada were still uncultured and very uncivilized, Nnotira for example. But dirty mouthed as he may be, Ulquiorra knew she had wormed into their cold hearts making it nearly impossible to be angry with her. In fact, they were all very protective. She was the little sister. She was the sun. Most of all, he should have realized how important those hairpins were to her.

That's why she ran. That's why he was here looking for her.

He took them to threaten her to clean her room, and she yelled at him that she was going to run away. Next day, poof she was gone. He searched everywhere, under the bed, in the closet, in the kitchen and even in Szayel's lab. She was nowhere to be found.

Aizen-sama was not happy. The correct word would be displeased. Neither were the rest of the Espada. Halibel gave Ulquiorra an Indian burn to show her displeasure.

At least she learned sonido; he thought as the followed the scent from the sash. Wherever she was, they were far far away from the compound. Far enough to be in other hollow's territories hollows who are strong and those who may dare to eat this innocent soul.

If he returned empty handed, or worse with the news of her death Ulquiorra was sure he too will die.

He caught sight of a piece of fabric. It was parts of a skirt. It smelled like her. As he searched the area for more torn fabric, he found her. Ulquiorra heard her first, the soft sounds of her crying. He climbed up the sand dune and found her in a tree.

"Woman." She turned to see him, her eyes wide and swollen from crying. "Get down from there."

She ignored him. Her clothes were ripped and dirty, he noted.

He patiently waited before speaking again. "It's time to go back home."

No response.

"Aizen-sama awaits."

Still no response.

"I'm waiting for you." She turned her head to look at him, her lips parted. "Really?"

Ulquiorra nodded. "Yes." He apprehensively spoke. "It isn't a party without you."

"Really?" There was hope in her sad eyes.

He hesitantly twitched his lips in a slight smile, the ends of his lips upturning a little. "I even brought some of it with me."

In his hand was a gift, neatly wrapped in green shiny paper and a white bow on top.

Orihime looked down, and sniffled.

"It's for you." He held it out. "Here."

She jumped down from the tree branch, staring at Ulquiorra. "You didn't have to."

He did a slight shoulder turn, his way of a shrug.

"But I didn't get you anything." She sad sadly, staring at the sand.

"Just open it."

She opened the gift with care. Her eyes widened, her breath hitched and she tackled him. He was smothered in her chest as she hugged him. For once, it didn't bother him how hard it was to breathe, or the warmth on his face.

"Merry Christmas."

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A/N: Merry Christmas. Hope you guys like it.


	2. Change

She was changing, slowly but surely something was happening. It was the voice, the tiny voice in the back of her head the one that reminded her how human she was and how flawed. It was louder now, drowning out the voice of love and peace and chocolate.

_You're ugly. _

She closed her eyes, arms wrapped her legs. She was huddled together, her eyes shut as if it could drive away the ugly little voice in the back of her head. Think of bunnies and home made cooking. Think of flowers and dreams and those happier moments.

_Stupid._

Sometimes it works.

_Bimbo._

Sometimes it doesn't.

_Weak._

Orihime gripped the fabric of her clothes, her fingers so cold. She was alone in this rectangle of a room, this room that seemed to be made to crush imagination. This room was suffocating. This was a place for the dead and not the living.

_Why don't you die?_

It was times like this that she tried to retreat into memories of happier times. Eating curry with friends, cheering friends on…friendship was the best thing. Kurosaki-kun….

_I'm sure your 'Kurosaki-kun' wouldn't mind to lose you; after all you're just a burden to him._

Orihime bit her lower lip, wanting to yell and scream and tell that voice that she wasn't a burden. She wasn't. Sure, she might not be able to fight like Ishida-kun or Chad or…..Rukia but that doesn't mean anything. She can heal. She can….oh god…

_Useless._

Tears streamed down her face, as she succumbed to the nightmare that was one of her making. All that revolting weakness, that selfish desire all stuffed into the black box of her soul were coming undone and unleashed. She wanted so many things and yet she knew she couldn't have them.

Worthless.

All the things she had done, all the happiness she has drowned herself with could do nothing for the rotten core she was inside. So selfish, so evil and so tainted compared to her friends. When she dies will she be weighed down by regrets?

_Just kill yourself. _

It would be so easy, a slit, a cut. It wouldn't be that hard to find something sharp, to dig into her soft and easily broken skin. Then the blood will leak out and there will be nothing left but a corpse.

_So many things to use to kill yourself, just do it._

She could make someone angry, have them crush her skull or rip her in two. All she would have to do is just let them kill her. It would be so easy. The arrancar are not exactly the daisy sniffing kind, they are the kind to step on them and crush them.

_You can do it. _

Her hand moved, touching her face. Her fingernails dug in and she pressed down. Wordlessly. She was fragile; killing herself wouldn't take that long. She just has to let herself die.

_You can do it._

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The door opened. "Woman I'm coming in." Ulquiorra announced his presence before stepping in.

He stepped inside the dark room before flicking the lights on. The woman was sitting on the floor in the corner. He placed the plate down on the table. Ulquiorra went over to her, stopping in front of her.

"Woman." He regarded her.

The woman looked up, her eyes were open and she had scratches on her face. What made Ulquiorra focus was her eyes. There was an inky black, growing from her eye, moving across the white.

It seemed Aizen-sama's objective was working. He should be pleased and yet he was not happy with what was happening. He knelt down, tilting her face up to stare at his. In her eyes there was something in the pupils that made him narrow his eyes.

"Time to eat." He let his hand fall away and he stood.

The woman stood as well going over to the table to eat. She was lifeless, as if the strings that held her up were snipped and she just dangled. Her will was lacking, her strength fading. All this was needed to make her malleable to Aizen-sama's words and will and yet.

He disproved of this.

Ulquiorra frowned, his lips thinner than usual. He choose his words carefully. "Aizen-sama dislikes weakness, if you cannot use your powers to their utmost for Aizen-sama than you will be discarded." Chin up in other words.

And the blackness slithered back inside and the woman smiled a pained grin. "I will try my best for Aizen-sama."

Sometimes, there is support given at the most unlikely place.

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"Are you sure we did the right thing?" Ayame asked, concerned as she watched Orihime sleep.

"Cheh. She needs to grow a freaking spine." Muttered Tsubaki. "See, she's better now."

Orihime shivered in her sleep, whimpering. The sheets slipped off her body and pooled onto the floor.

"Right." Said Lily in scorn. "That is far better than before."

"Shh…you guys hear that?" Shuno waved a hand. "We gotta hide."

The fairies vanished into the hairpins.

The door opened, light shined into the room and Ulquiorra walked in. He took in the room for it was worth and placed the sheet back on her body. He even tucked her in, arranging her so she won't roll off the sofa. She grabbed his coattail holding on. Instead of ripping himself away or moving, he just stood there and waited for her to loosen her hold on his coattail.

When he left, Shuno and Tsubaki appeared in a flash. "Well….that was different." Tsubaki's eyes were wide.

Shuno hid her face in her sleeves. "It is as you say."

"What?"

"Different."

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A/N: Well, how do you guys like it?


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